Ballroom Dance > Social Dancing - People Who Ignore You at the Start

Discussion in 'Ballroom Dance' started by dancingirldancing, Mar 3, 2010.

  1. Would you dance with leads or follow that ignored you and did not want to dance with you when you were either not very good yet or were new to the social scenes hence they did not know whether you were good or not.

    I have noticed that some people (men AND women) tend to not ask and/or reject dance invitations often unkindly from the people who are not very good or who they are not too sure whether the person is 'good enough' for them.

    Now as these dancers becomes better (well some of them anyway) or 'prove' themself good these leads/follows all of a sudden becomes rather friendly and ask them to dance all the time.

    The thing is these snobbish leads/follows tend to be rather good and they are very picky on who they want to dance with. However, they can give you very enjoyable dances due to their skill.

    On the other hand, one can still feel a bit of resentment on how these ppl used to treat oneself previously.

    What would you do ?
  2. wonderwoman

    wonderwoman Well-Known Member

    You mean should you hold it against them that they rejected you? I don't think that benefits anyone, and might even further reduce the number of partners who will dance with you. You should be asking yourself if you enjoy dancing with these people? If not, don't dance with them again.
  3. Gorme

    Gorme Active Member

    I don't look at it in a negative way. I look at the change in attitude as a milestone. People who did not like me the first time are now eager to dance with me. I have improved myself so that I can dance at their level. Each milestone opens me up to a greater range of potential partners. It would be petty of me to look at it as vengence as everyone just wants to have an enjoyable time.

    If you want to add a little ribbing, you can do so in a joking manner. (e.g. "Remember when I first dance with you..."?) Then the two of you can have a hearty laugh about it.
  4. samina

    samina Well-Known Member

    if people ignore me for whatever reason, i give them their space. they can ignore me if they want. if they cease to ignore me and want to dance... sounds great. the past is the past. every moment is an opportunity for a new beginning... no grudges.

    gotta say... it's more with women that i've experienced the "look-thru", not so much the men. but... eh... i know they're out there, too.
  5. wonderwoman

    wonderwoman Well-Known Member

    It might just be a rite of passage.
  6. wooh

    wooh Well-Known Member

    I really do see more women do it than men.
    Men are more guilty of the "overlooking actual dancers in favor of falling all over the cute new girl that's never danced before."
    Women are more guilty of "won't necessarily say no but will avoid the new guys."

  7. Naaah men do that too. Either you are super cute or super good dancer.

    Men who are like super cute does not pick me anymore now that I am a pretty decent dancer (compared to the whole social scene here). Not that I am super cute mind you just reasonably young.

    Men who like good dancer who used to ignore or outrightly reject me now want to put me in their dance card for gazillion dances as soon as I walk in the door.

    Well, I guess I'll let bygone be bygone for the sake of my own enjoyment.

    The only people I avoid in the social scene is the no good dancer who thinks he is GOD. You know the sort who wants to take BIIIG steps but not move his body and kick you on the shin as a result.
  8. wonderwoman

    wonderwoman Well-Known Member

    LoL I think you have us girls pegged!
    Yes many times I have suddenly urgently needed a *******ment break.

    Edit: Um... a food and/or drink break.
  9. atk

    atk Active Member

    I'm lucky to be in a pretty friendly place :) I don'tthink I've run into a dancer in my area who's been rude about saying no. On the other hand, I have danced with a few people who seemed really uncomfortable - not the "I don't know what I'm doing" kind of uncomfortable, but the "I really don't want to be with you" kind of uncomfortable. I tend to give those followers their space - there's no need for me to make them uncomfortable, and I find no fun in it.
  10. lorenzof

    lorenzof New Member

    I have never refused a dance on the basis of someone's skill level. There are ladies I am happy to dance with just because they are nice people, not necessarily a skillful dancer. I have avoided dances for reasons of hygiene and/or manners. And as a man at dance parties where we are heavily outnumbered, there are plenty of ladies that are not too shy to ask for a dance (even when I am away from the dance floor, chatting with my wife.)
  11. CANI

    CANI Active Member

  12. DL

    DL Well-Known Member

    The ladies I dance with most are the ones with whom I've built pleasant dance relationships over time. Those who were kind to me as a beginner are better represented in this group than those who were unkind to me as a beginner.

    Now that I have a group of "ladies I dance with most," there's an ever-increasing supply of ladies with whom I dance less often than ladies in that group. Maybe they think I'm ignoring them because they're beginners, although that's not how I see it.
  13. DL

    DL Well-Known Member

    I should add: every community has some barriers to entry. If one is a new dancer and knows nobody in the dance community, one will find that improvement in one's dancing and one's relationships in the community will be linked in certain ways -- because one is getting to know new people, at the same time one is learning to dance.
  14. wooh

    wooh Well-Known Member

    If I hadn't seen your location, I might have thought you were my husband. :)
  15. Joe

    Joe Well-Known Member

    Think of it as a measuring stick. The better you get, the better the partners you'll have.

    Why get offended?
  16. waltzguy

    waltzguy Active Member

    "the past is the past" ... very true indeed
  17. waltzguy

    waltzguy Active Member

    Here's a story for all you ladies.

    When I first started ballroom dancing, I asked this lady, who was way above my abilities, to dance on occasion at social dances. She basically never turned me down, was encouraging and friendly. I'm sure she did not enjoy those dances technically, since I was such a newbie.

    Fast forward several years. She is now my competitive Standard partner.
  18. wonderwoman

    wonderwoman Well-Known Member

  19. Chris Stratton

    Chris Stratton New Member

    I think that the nature of a person's relationship with dancing is often more of a factor in compatability than their actual skill/experience.
  20. j_alexandra

    j_alexandra Well-Known Member

    :notworth: I have a dream...

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