Question not for Faint Hearted, Do Not Read if easily Offended!

Discussion in 'Tango Argentino' started by spectator, May 1, 2007.

  1. spectator

    spectator Member

    Ok guys,
    it's been a while but I have a new dilema. It's something I can't really talk to people about face to face as it is a bit embarrassing.

    Men with erections during close embrace Tango. Especially if you are a very short girl dancing with a tall man.

    Now, let me make clear, I'm sure it isn't anything personal and having a woman pressed up against you is often going to trigger a stirring (especially in younger guys). how do you deal with it?

    I have always just tried to dance on through and ignore it, if it is pressed up I try to move my body off it and carry on as if I didn't notice. Recently though a friend told me that she had done this and thought it was fine, but the guy apparently thought that she carried on dancing with him because she was "showing her approval" and came on to her as they left the venue.

    To dance or not to dance? That is the question. A male friend (who couldn't help me out because he's not a dancer) of mine reckoned there is some kind of underpants that can keep things under control or at least undetectacle. he may have been making it up since we were pissed at the time.

    I hope this isn't too racey for the mods! Cheers for your help.

    PS I'm a girl! A good RC girl! I've no idea the mechanics of this stuff!
     
  2. Steve Pastor

    Steve Pastor Moderator Staff Member

    The other night on the Jay Leno show, Leno reported that 20 year old males become fully aroused in an average of 10 seconds. (There was no word on guys my age, but I say, thank goodness I'm older!) I was talking to one of my friends this Sunday, and she reported that one young guy she danced with had to go and sit down, he was so embarrassed by himself.
    I think this is one of the reasons young guys prefer an open embrace.

    If you are dancing apilado, your pelvic areas should not be touching. I've been know to tell women who were in contact with me there, "that's nice, but it's not tango".

    I have been taught that the woman determines the embrace in tango. If you are uncomfortable in any way, or for any reason, with the embrace you are in, you can uses your arms to increase the distance between you. Or, you could say something like "I think I'd be more comfortable in an open embrace" to the guy.
    It's your body.

    I think I'll pass on the clothing as camo on this one!
    (I guess I'm not as open as Bill Clinton.)
     
  3. spectator

    spectator Member

    Yeah it is more of a problem with the younger ones...
    the main problem is when a 5'1" girl in flats dances with a 6'2" or above guy, his crotch is level with at least your stomach and if there is a protuberance it can close the gap. God I'm so graphic, maybe I should ring up the Graham Norton show and get him to sort it out...
     
  4. quixotedlm

    quixotedlm New Member

    don't know about tango, but do know about guys, and know what you mean by close embrace in tango - so i've an opinion to share :) and i can do a few things in salsa where the girl would certainly feel the erection if i had one, so i've context to say something that's a bit relevant ;)

    guys can always feel their erection, and they will always feel it when it touches another person. it's very trivial to continue being in close embrace while not letting the pelvic area touch the woman by pushing his butt out just a wee bit and losing just the pelvic contact, while still maintaining an almost-zero separation. if the guy is not doing anything to prevent your from feeling it, he is being deliberate (even if he is pretending to not have a choice in the matter as a consequence of the type of embrace you are in, it's just taking advantage of the fact that many a woman would not be absolutely sure that he is being deliberate).

    Now this does not mean that he is being very rude, but he is certainly being bold - the equivalent of saying that I'm excited by proximity to you and I want you to know and acknowledge that. If you move away, then he'll take the hint. If you come closer or give him a knowing smile/wink, that will also be a hint. If you do nothing and pretend as if you didn't notice anything, it will confuse him aplenty, or make him susceptible to arriving at an incorrect conclusion based on misinterpreting your attitude.

    so if you don't like it - please do something about it - like stepping about an inch away from him. and if that's not possible, at least make sure that your face clearly reflects your discomfort. if you don't know how to make such a face, practise in front of a mirror first ;)
     
  5. Ampster

    Ampster Active Member

    First off, your pelvic areas shold not be touching anyway. On occassion in the performance of some maneouvre, perhaps. But generally, no. The contact and lead is in the chest. Being in the proper tango posture (weight forward, over the balls of your feet), ensures this.

    Now if it does happen, there are no underpants that would control it. Well, they would, but you would not be able to breathe, nor move. So, worst case, start dancing in open embrace. Or, out of respect, apologize profusely, feign a knee and/or back injury, escort her graciously to her seat and excuse yourself. You know its coming, so do something about it, before you embarass yourself and/or your partner.

    Considering the very close contact in Argentinean Tango, it is the lead's responsibility of to be a respectful gentleman. If you don't, then you're just another creep.
     
  6. quixotedlm

    quixotedlm New Member

    spectator, i think, is a girl (and a follower).

    and all's fair in love and war. imo, it's ok to resort to slightly less-than-gentlemanly tactics on occasion if it makes the difference between winning or losing a par'amor ;) of course, it has to be a fine balance.. .and only works if you are a gentleman to begin with who chooses to commit such a transgression ...


    first talk of erection, now of paramour - fascination is going to have a great fit!
     
  7. Indiana_Jay

    Indiana_Jay Active Member

    Fortunately, 1.) I'm considerably older and ... er ... slower to "respond." and b.) I don't dance AT.
     
  8. spectator

    spectator Member

    Good to know! I didn't want to label anyone a Tango pervert, but in light of the above I don't think I've been over sensitive. I was so worried that if I opened right out to open embrace they'd know that I knew and it'd upset them, but if they haven't tried to remove the problem, they must know i know, so then it's too late to be worried about drawing attention to it!

    It really freaks me out that there are some guys who'll have you doing little twisty things and staying very forward so the poor girl is trying not to crush his member as he is basically pulling her across it. (A guy did this to me once it was awful I could feel *everything* and I thought I was going to throw up, but I just smiled and tried to angle myself so it wasn't touching, poissibly not the best course of action)
     
  9. quixotedlm

    quixotedlm New Member

    I'm far from 20 - closer to 30. The statistic I believe isn't entirely inaccurate for the 30's either. And like other men have stated, it can take much longer too. I believe that this is one of those mind-over-matter things. The speed of response depends on the level/intensity of interest. As we get older, we learn much and recognize that every pretty girl isn't really pretty, so it affects us less. But yeah, with the right person and right mood, it can be much much less than 10 secs ;)
     
  10. Ampster

    Ampster Active Member

    Yes. And my point was that the man should do something about it BEFORE the partner notices, out of respect.

    I mean it does happen, and one knows when it does.
     
  11. Ampster

    Ampster Active Member

    IMHO, you are perfectly right to feel the way you did. If you find yourself in a situation like that, be clear, shift to open so he gets the idea that he needs to "Chill." If he persists, then excuse yourself. He needs to be a tad more respectful.
     
  12. spectator

    spectator Member

    Thanks Ampster, it's really good to have some validation on this, there will be a few of us girls who feel a bit more empowered to extricate ourselves.
     
  13. quixotedlm

    quixotedlm New Member

    my bad. didn't 'get' it in the first reading :)
     
  14. spectator

    spectator Member

    I have just noticed a warning symbol-like that one your supposed to display when your car breaks down- on all my posts... do you think i've been marked up as a trouble maker?
     
  15. quixotedlm

    quixotedlm New Member

    it means you are being naughty ;)
     
  16. Peaches

    Peaches Well-Known Member

    Interesting that you notice it with taller guys...I notice more with shorter ones.

    I can't think, offhand, of a specific instance where I was getting creepy vibes from a guy. There are some guys that I just know, because of how we dance together, that I'm going to be "feelin' him up." It's not a posture issue, it's not (so far as I can tell) that he's encouraging it...it's just the nature of how the two of us move together. If I think it's innocent, I ignore things. After a bit, I don't notice. Maybe by that point some of the "excitement" has worn off for him. *shrug* Maybe I've just gotten past noticing--contact happens in ballroom, it happens in AT...whatever. It's like getting past the point of noticing that I've got my chest pressed up against him.

    But if I was getting icky vibes...I'd probably switch to open embrace. If he was being really inappropriate (comments and so forth, or trying to force the close embrace), I'd like to think I'd have the guts to end the tanda. And then avoid him.
     
  17. fascination

    fascination Site Moderator Staff Member

    mkay...have done very little AT, but did start ane entire thread on this long ago...issue was with shorter man and... um...uh...didn't really care to analyze degree of... er...alertness...but...um...socially, I would back off....if it is on a lesson, ignore it...nuff said...but uh, yea...can be a bit of a distraction
     
  18. tangotime

    tangotime Well-Known Member

    Firstly , being of a generation raised by victorian Gr.Par. and parents, I believe everyone handled the topic with the utmost respect.

    If you think this a problem in a.t.-- then imagine smooth dances , with full contact at all times .
     
  19. bordertangoman

    bordertangoman Well-Known Member

    The other possibility is the v-frame so the main point of contact is the man's chest shoulder on his roght hand side and her left hand side shoulder and chest so contact in the middle of the bodies is far less. I don't like this style to dance to since it always feels like your heading in slightly different direstions, but it does break contact in the pelvic area.

    Ther are other issues, which I shall endeavour to describe in euphamisms
    ie the angle of elevation; if the man's erection is vertical then its easy for him to adjust his distance so as not be embarrassing. Anything else and I think its time to leave the dance floor and adjust his composure!
     
  20. Dave Bailey

    Dave Bailey New Member

    As has already been said, that should never really be a problem in AT - there shouldn't be any below-the-waist contact; if there is, the position is wrong.

    Other dances - e.g. salsa - can have a lot of groin contact, but not AT, as far as I know.

    So, the chances are that either the guy's a perv, or a poor dancer, or both.

    I'm all for giving people the benefit of the doubt, but in my experience with other dances, I think it's clear that most guys doing this know exactly what they're doing. And if you're getting "creep" vibes, then you should always trust your instincts, as they're usually right.
     

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